By MONISHA ISWARAN
We’re here, folks! We’ve made it through weeks of seemingly random challenges, Osher’s pep talks and Badgy’s inappropriate comments – and we are ready to view the final ritual of the dating process.
This week we see Badgy’s final dates with his three selected candidates – I-want-to-live-in-Bondi Britt, I-want-to-focus-on-my-career Soph and I-seem-just-a-bit-too-perfect-so-I’m-probably-batshit Brooke.
We totally understand Badgy’s internal struggles – the hardships he’s had to go through are next to torturous. Dating a gazillion gorgeous girls and then having to pick just one? The injustice.
This episode primarily entails the girls fretting about whether or not to tell Badgy they love him (totally normal after an average of two or so dates each) and freaking out that he can’t say it back yet (kind of the point of the show).
Essentially each time one of the girls tells him “I’m falling in love with you”, he grins, gives them a “noted with thanks” card and then they make out.
Let’s cut to the real drama. Perfect Brooke decides she simply can’t deal anymore, and chooses to leave the show. This basically just reinforces her golden girl image as she’s now the one that got away.
Her reasons for leaving include that she “wants a man who can tell her how he feels” ….. maybe a show where he has to wait till the finale to do that wasn’t the best choice for her.
“This wasn’t my plan,” Badgy murmurs as she gets in the limo – well that’s a nice sentiment for the girl he actually chooses to watch, isn’t it?
Sophie and Britt are now left wondering whether they would have made it to the finals if not for this sudden departure. Let’s be real – they aren’t really wondering … we all know Soph lucked out (if you can call it that) in this case.
Let’s skip forward to the finale – set in New Caledonia – a beautiful place to find love or get dumped. We all secretly hope that whoever doesn’t get picked can go party with some fine New Caledonian men, and have a wonderful rebound period. (A fab idea for a spin-off, Channel 10?)
This is also the moment that Britt and Soph get to hang out with the Badger Clan! This would normally be a big moment but they had to call in the family as back up earlier this season anyway.
Brit uses her time with the Badge clan to compare them to her own, while Sophie shares an intimate moment with his brother, and we wonder if she might be better off grabbing him and pulling a Tenille (running off into the forest).
We endure about five minutes of product placement as the girls pretend to do their own makeup and hair before the final showdown with Badgy. We all know there is a team in place to do this but we go along with it seeing as our hearts are in our throats about Badgy’s choice.
Melancholy music plays and we wait with baited breath to see who gets out of the first car (traditionally this is always the rejected one). GASP, it’s Soph. Well, no one saw that coming.
Osher greets her with dead eyes and a hint of grimace. Man, this guy shouldn’t be paid for his acting abilities because it’s pretty clear he feels sad for her.
Badgy then begins the most awkward dumping in history – can barely get his words out, and tells her he just can’t “100 per cent commit to her”. Brutal.
He then just stops talking and Sophie walks to the limo in tears. We hope they at least gave her a hot driver. Let’s take a moment to compliment Soph on her girl power because she talks about how awesome Brit is and how happy she is for her.
Then Britt rolls up, and is greeted by a marginally more upbeat Osher. We all prepare to see romance unfold.
Badgy’s speech is stunted and doesn’t seem particularly love-y but we assume that’s just Nick being Nick. But wait … NO, he’s rejecting Britt too? We can’t believe it. She can’t believe it.
Did no one tell him part of the show is picking someone at the end? Osher is being scolded by the production team somewhere for not explaining the rules properly.
Soph and Britt then meet up and have the cutest little moment finding out they both got dumped – hey, it’s not often you can commiserate over an identical break-up with your bestie, is it?
We end off with footage of Nick walking across the beach in a similar style to Jarrod last year … not sure why we are being forced to feel sorry for him when he did the dumping, and wasted two months of our lives (and multiple bottles of our wine).
I guess all we’ve learned is that Badgers can’t mate under pressure.